Sensual Sadism

In my last post, I talked about reconnecting with someone I knew when I was fourteen years old. After some negotiation, I agreed to be obedient to him for a play session. This post is about that play session.

I ran downstairs to be picked up by Him. I stood under an oak tree to keep the sun out of my eyes. A short time later He pulled up beside me and told me to get in. As we drove back to His place, we discussed the fact that we had known each other and stayed in the same cabin when I was a boy scout. We both laughed about the fact that it is such a small world. I followed him up the stairs and into the living room. He told me to strip, which I was happy to do.

I have to admit, I am never scared when I become obedient to another man. If I was scared, the play would not happen. I will say that I was very nervous to meet Him for play. I have never seen Him play. We knew each other and even shared a cabin at one point at Camp but I would not think He would consider me a “friend”. I will say that as I sat in His car, I was very nervous. I was nervous about what might happen.

He came toward me and turned me toward the bedroom. He put His arm around my neck and propelled me toward His bedroom. Once we were both in the bedroom, He closed the bedroom door. “Strip”, He ordered. I quickly stripped and stood in front of Him naked as the day I was born. He sat down on His bed and ordered me to lie down next to Him. He began to rub my body from my feet to the top of my head. My body quickly began to tingle. He stood up and started filling his table with his toys. I quietly watched Him as He placed a multitude of different paddles, straps, belts, and canes on the table. I was nervous but intrigued. He then started pulling out various ball-stretchers, dildos, and anal plugs. My fear went into overdrive.

I have never been much into ass play as a bottom. I have this almost obsessive fear of not being “clean”. That, along with the rape, made me extremely nervous about what I was seeing Him put on the table. I slowed my breathing down and tried to re-arrange my headspace. I was here for His enjoyment. I completely trust Him. He will not do me any physical, mental, or emotional harm. I placed my head on the mattress and closed my eyes.

He placed a modified cushion on the bed and told me to mount it.  I quickly did. I heard paddles scraping other paddles. I tensed up as I knew what was coming. He and I both love spanking. Being spanked by someone I have never played with can be disconcerting. You never know the skill, ability, or interest of the other person. I took a deep breath and exhaled. It will be what it will be.

He began spanking my butt. I quickly came to realize that He is very good at it. He used many different implements; paddles, canes, and straps. He varied the intensity which drove me to try harder and harder to make Him happy and pleased with me. Several times I came close to tears. The tears were part pain, and part joy. He intermixed the spanking with cuddling and stroking. Several time He scratched my head which sent me into ecstasy. He had no way to know but somehow He instinctively realized that the stroking and scratching of my head is a very intense intimate connection for me. It is not something that I allow many men to do.

He went back to the table. I heard a bottle of lube open. I cannot lie to you, I was frightened. I created a mantra in my head and tried to calm myself. He gentle massaged my hole with lube. He quickly flipped me over on my back placed a ‘Sparkplug’ on me. The cock ring portion went around my cock and balls and my cock was shoved up the shaft. He then turned me over and slowly inserted the other end up my ass. It went in a lot easier than I would have thought. He continued to caress me and tell me how well I was doing. It really helped. I found myself enjoying the ass play. He then told me to get dressed and took me to lunch; with the spark plug up my ass.

I really enjoyed my play with Him. He allowed me to enjoy some things that I had refused outright in the past. His calm, nurturing play allowed me to experience a lot with Him in a short amount of time. I am beginning to think there is something to this Sensual Sadism.

It's a Small, Small World

I have been chatting with a man that is interested in dominating me. It isn't the way that this kinda thing works for me but, He is authentic and has great references. He is a nice guy also. A couple of nights ago, I had a dream about a boy that was six or eight years older than I was. He worked at the same Boy Scout Camp as I did. We were both on staff. After the main camp closed and I left my Nature, and Waterfront duties, I took on a cooking position for a canoe expedition that traversed the river that the camp was on. This boy was the chief cook and bottle washer. We all stayed in a wooden cabin behind the mess hall.

I woke up from the dream with the boy's name ingrained in my memory. Later in the day, I jumped on RECON, to chat with the man. It was then that a cold shiver ran down my back. The boy and the man had the same name. I then asked the man if he ha d ever worked with Scouting and he told me he had. I was fourteen when I first met this boy and was seventeen the last time I saw him.

That year at Camp Drei was a pivotal one for me. It is the first time I played a dominant role with someone else. I spanked eight different members of the staff up on the top of Totem Pole Hill that year. It wasn't overtly sexual but I was hard when I spanked them and they were hard when I bared their butts for the spankings.

It was also the year that I had my first wet dream; it was in a military cot in the cabin behind the Mess Hall. It proved to me that I was warped. The dream was about Laverne and Shirley in a high school girl's room. (It took me a long time to get over that being a wet dream.) I would have several more but that was my first.
It gets even stranger. We are club brothers. We are both members of Discipline Corps. So let's keep score. He is gay as I am. He is at least as kinky as I am. It only took me thirty years to figure this all out. I now know where Aggie jokes come from.

Boy Leo’s Coming Out in Leather

Boy Leo and his Ma’am Sachi are members of my extended Leather family. We attend church together at the Cathedral of Hope and try to eat a meal together every Sunday. Boy Leo is fairly young in Leather but a very wise boy. I have always admired Sachi and have come to deeply respect Boy Leo. I recently asked Sachi for permission for Leo to write a post for Obedience Realized. I was honored when She gave Her permission and Boy Leo agreed to write the post. In Caps and Bold below are the questions and thoughts I put forward to Boy Leo to guide him in his posting.

I am looking for you to do a little exposition on your life. Not asking for the minute details, just more of an overview of your coming out into leather and how it has gone for you. I also would like you to talk about your BDSM relationship. Many of my readers are seeking such relationships. If you make mention of any play, I have a multitude of pictures to add. In the end be introspective and share as you would to a close friend.

Hey Vince! You asked me for an overview of my life and my coming out into leather. Here it goes.

Hello All Ya'll! I am boy leo, age 41, in the Dallas/Fort Worth region of Texas.

My life changed to become both a harder line to walk and a greater joy to live on October 14th of 2011. That was the night of my first ever kinky outing into the Dallas/Fort Worth BDSM community. I went to a DIKMunch! LOL! Still love that! It stands for "Diverse Interest Kinksters" and the "munch" is just another term for a meal and social gathering. I found all of this through the social online site: FetLife. The gathering was held at the "Sanctuary," a local dungeon and play-space.  I was terrified. Ready to bolt for the door at the first thing I could not handle. Well... I stayed for several hours.

Some of the most kind and easygoing people I had ever met showed me around and talked with me. They put me at ease and helped me see that they were more normal and fun than most vanilla folks in a bar watching sports. To this day I can only say that God himself was watching out for me as a newborn in this lifestyle; because I met "Sachi". She was kind enough to show me the toys in her play-kit and tell me more about what they were and how they were used. I had never seen any of those things before with the exception of two old friends, the paddle and the belt. However, everything there seemed so very familiar and the smell of the floggers, dragon tail, and other items of leather called to me. At that moment I fully realized where this building inner desire was coming from. All of my past youthful punishments! All those times I had acted out so often as a kid in order to get paddled or spanked!  I was craving those sensations again! And here in front of me was this sweet little lady with a bright sunny smile and a desire to help me fulfill something of what I needed.

It turned into a night of magical discovery for the both of us. Neither of us knew then what we were going to find. So, I shyly stripped down to my tiny little bikini-briefs and Ma'am restrained my wrists to a St. Andrews cross. Mind you this was in a public dungeon with dozens of other folks about including several Dungeon Safety Monitors. I felt safe... well, mostly, this was my first ever (official) experience with BDSM. And this sweet faced little lady proceeded to beat me into a horny state of euphoria that left my undies quite... ummm, wet. I was so turned on by the experience that I was dancing with the music and pushing my ass back into her and even in a lusty frenzy I tried to climb that damn cross several times. That is where we kinda discovered a very feline nature within me. She was also very much enjoying herself too. Several times I heard her giggling and I looked back to see her dancing and frolicking. Yes, defiantly a magical night.

Ma'am told me a few weeks later that she never expected anything that happened that night and how shocked she was to later realize all of the small things that clicked for her. It was the same for me that out of a lifetime of hard realities and sometimes meaningless toil all of my "everything" has fallen into place through that one seemingly very lucky connection with her. Before we parted ways that first night we had exchanged numbers and I was going to church with her on Sunday and coming over to have lunch with her bio family. Our relationship has grown steadily stronger and more vibrant with time until last month she officially put me under consideration for her collar.

Through Ma'am Sachiko I have found a calling to Leather. It is not an easy path she has started me on. In fact it is the hardest thing I have ever sought to challenge myself with. Leather is not a path that chooses you. You must choose to walk Leather. My Ma'am is fond of a saying that I also hear quite often in the community: "You have to be tall enough to ride this ride." I would like to add, "You need to be strong enough to walk this path of Leather; and when you do, bring honor, integrity and respect."

1. What draws you to obedience (most call this submission but I have rarely seen a man truly submit)?

I think I am drawn to obedience because of a driving need for structure and discipline in my life. Those are things sorely lacking in my upbringing that I find a craving for. Also, I feel somehow incomplete without them, as if parts of me are missing or perhaps were never even installed. When my Ma'am gives me a directive I suddenly find I have a purpose and that there is structure for me. With her discipline for herself and for me I find myself striving to live that obedience and to bring that directive to life for her. Once my drive to do whatever that is for her kicks in I want to do my absolute best for her and if I do not or I somehow fail her there is nothing she can say that will top my own unhappiness with myself.

I am also drawn to the obedience I find within Leather because of my own core beliefs. In my life I have explored various aspects of gaming: Dungeons and Dragons, Vampire the Masquerade, Star Wars, Online Games, Live Action Role Play and many others. They all gave me an appreciation for being someone that I considered better than myself; a heroic being willing and able to help others and who followed a code of ethics to guide him along his path of service. I loved the stories of King Arthur and his Knights and of the historical knights of the Dark and Middle Ages who followed the ideals of chivalry and service. I loved the stories of the Samurai Warriors and their way of Bushido and their tenets of Honor and Sacrifice for the greater good.

All of that should sound familiar to those walking the path of Leather. Granted it is different for everyone. However, the basics are usually the same: Honor, Integrity, and Respect. For me that rings of the ideals of chivalry and service to others and to the community. I can only hope that along my path I will prove my love and adherence to those ideals for the betterment of myself, my bio family, my leather family, my leather community and the community at large.

To those ends I willingly submit and obey my Ma'am to the best of my abilities. I am still learning what it means to be leather, to be obedient and to serve her. Will I be able to be the slave she deserves or just a damn good boy? I do not know. Both are honorable and good callings. Both will bring me joy and a feeling of being complete because I will be serving my Ma'am. Time will tell.

Today as I continue to learn of leather, obedience and service I find that I still want to be that hero I used to play in those games. Although today I am truly walking in the flesh a path born of the ideals of chivalry, honor and service; I do not play a game any longer and through my obedience I find an inner truth of what it means to serve. Through my Ma'am's leadership roles in the Leather Community I find and am given ways to help and serve our community. By following the ideals of Honor, Integrity, and Respect, I help and serve our community. As time goes on and I grow within our community, I will continue to do more and more. To me all of these things add up to be my forms of obedience, through service.

2. How do you live out your obedience? (discuss your relationship to your Ma'am here)

My Ma'am and I can never be together as much as we would like. Yet, when I am with her and with our budding Leather Family I must actively keep in mind that my duty is to serve without question. Why? Because I trust and believe in her and in the path she has chosen for herself and that I willingly follow along with her. I am beginning to find that the obedience is coming to me more naturally with time and experience. More and more often I am finding simple contentment in being given a directive and following it. Happily, my Ma'am loves me and she trusts in my experience and grants me lots of leeway to carry out what she asks of me. She often does this by giving a task where the end result is defined. How I get there is up to me. Other times she wants it done "this way" by "this time" and that narrows things. In either instance I still have the choice of "do" or "do not". Will I carry it out and succeed at what she has requested of me or will I falter and fail her? It is all up to me and I do not like failing. My choice then is to be obedient and to succeed.

3. What has been your experience with the leather community?

I have met many wonderful and fun people who work for and love their Leather Community. People who use their knowledge and skills to help those who want to learn of the LGBT community as well as kink and leather. Yet, more importantly these good hearted folk help those who are in need. I have seen and been a small part of some of the best any community has to offer. Our DFW Leather Community had donated time, food, and money as well as blood sweat and tears to help the downtrodden, the sick and the hungry within the LGBT, kinky and leather community as a whole and even beyond. It is an honor to be a part of this community and I hope to be among those who will help with those needs.

However, I have met one or two vultures who use the community and surround themselves with the blind followers and willing sycophants that enable their deprivations. Happily, most other such persons cling to the periphery. Like any monster they hide and strike at those who are new or unwary. I am very lucky to have found my Ma'am so quickly when coming out into the kinky community. With my past experiences I would have been easy meat for no other reason than it would have seemed familiar to me. Some of the best advice I was given is to only trust those who are willing to come out and be a part of the community. Do not allow yourself to be a hermit and do not fall in with a hermit. Only out in the light, being open and honest with those you meet can you be as safe as possible in following a kinky lifestyle.

4. Would anything help you to feel included in the community?

Thus far I am lucky I can say that I have felt very welcome and included in this Leather Community. Once again I owe that to a woman who loves and reveres Leather. My Ma'am has blazed a trail and set forth a path that I feel honored to now follow her upon. The many people she has introduced me to are always kind and seem genuinely happy to see me. At first that will be because they know and love my Ma'am. As I grow within the community it will be because they know and love me. I will have earned that through my own efforts.

5. Lastly, any insights that you have gleaned from your service in regards to service and being in service to another.

Give your fears to your dominant. Let them know what you are afraid of and trust in them to know you and keep you from needing to worry about that fear or if they believe they can bring you through that fear and release you from it. I am not saying let them "break you" of a fear. However, let them guide you through defeating it. If you find you cannot do that make sure they know it is a solid hard limit for you. Another great quote I love is from Master Obsidian. It concerns fear and the trust of a sub for the Dom: "The only way out is through."

Some say service is a gift that the submissive gives to their Dominant. I say service is a gift that the submissive gives to themselves. By serving another you give yourself the right to be free and to be humble. You still have the right to think for yourself you simply choose to limit that and submit to another. You let your Dominant direct you for the betterment of the unit that is the both of you. Through your efforts of service you create a place where the Dominant can use both of your energies to build something of benefit to the community. At least that is how it is for my Ma'am and I. This past weekend we worked to repair, paint and beautify her house. By doing so, we not only improved her property and its value but as well, we improved the community as a whole by showing that her house is well maintained so others in the community might also work to improve their properties.

I owe all of these many wonderful things to one woman. For her love and belief in me and for the wonderful Leather Friends and Leather Family she has brought into my life. There are no words that can express my gratitude to my Ma'am, Sachiko. Every day I have is a gift.

It is a simple thing when you think about it. To simply serve one person can be of benefit to many. What a beautiful thing.

Sense of Humor

Been a bad weekend. I needed some humor. T thought I would share it.

Let Me Know That I Make You Happy

My last blog was criticizing a thing that some submissives do that aggravates the Dominants. Today’s blog will discuss something that Dominants sometimes do that drives submissives crazy. I have to admit that I didn’t come up with this thought all by myself. I read the blog of Master Chris and his pupslave Keith called The Master and His slave. The specific entry that touched me at my core is http://www.themasterandhisslave.com/2012/03/slaves/#comment-1955 . The lack of action that drives many submissives crazy is that a Dominant never acknowledges that the submissive has done something to make the Dominant happy.

I found slave pup Keith’s statement to be dead-on for me as a man being obedient to another man. I feel very strongly about this because in both of my tries to live a 24/7 BDSM lifestyle serving another man has had this happen and eventually was a huge part of the relationships falling apart. I am not laying blame but just stating that this can become a huge issue in the life of a submissive. This was not the only issue in those relationships but a huge emotional issue for me.

I honestly do not need you to kiss my ass and humor me as a boy. What I do need is your expression of happiness with my service occasionally. As slave pup Keith so elegantly stated, I will do anything you ask and will take any type of play, punishment, pain, or confinement as long as you at some point tell me that you are happy with me and or my service.

As a Dominant, I have occasionally been guilty of not letting a boy of mine know that I am happy with him and his service. It is unfortunately easy to do. I have gotten so wrapped up in training the boy and sharing my expectations that I have forgotten to express that I am happy that the boy is in my life. After my parting from my two past boys, I made a promise to myself to at least once a week express my happiness with anyone I am in a relationship with. I will admit that I have failed several times. When I realize that I have failed, I pick myself up and express that happiness. That is the best I can do.

Relationships are difficult. BDSM relationships are very difficult. If you want to have any chance at all in a BDSM relationship, you have to express your happiness or ask that the other person express their happiness. It can’t solve all the problems but it does clear a multitude of problems.